The face of pregnancy loss

This is us. We fight. We try to hold on. And sometimes we fail. We hope and sometimes we fall. This is us. This is pregnancy loss. You come home with empty arms, scars and tears. Blood, needles, hospital bed, empty crib. You do not cry, you shout. You do not weep, you shout. You shout like an animal. You do not have pain, you're dying. There is a before loss and an after loss. You're dead since the minute they told you there is no heartbeat, or you have to say goodbye. 

We try to hold on. We hope, sometimes we still laugh, we still eat, we still talk. But we are not the same anymore. We carry them in our hearts. This is pregnancy loss. Your best day became your worst. Your worst fears became your reality. And sometimes you still don't realize it happened. You shout in every room of your empty house, you shout in the streets, in the garden, at work, in your car. You're stronger than yesterday, but you're weaker than ever. This is pregnancy loss. 

We hold on, we still hope. We do not fear death anymore. But don't forget we still fear this incredible pain, we still learn how to deal with it. We still learn how to live without him. This is pregnancy loss. We decide to hold on, because we believe that life will triumph. We still believe our love is stronger than disease and death. 

This is life after loss.
It's not our life anymore, it's how to be here without you. How to still smile and see all the marvelous beauties of the world, without you. How to be a family without you. How to carry a new life, but not you. This is life after loss. We try and we fail, we hope and we fall, but we hold on. We hold on.

Nous continuerons

Tout le monde était pressé de connaître ton prénom. Maintenant personne ne le prononce. Comme si tu n'avais jamais existé.
Comme si nous n'étions pas devenus parents.

Nous honorerons ta mémoire Théophile. Nous briserons ce silence qui nous blesse bien plus qu'il nous aide. Nous t'aimons et t'avons entouré durant ta trop courte vie. Nous parlerons de toi. Nous écrirons pour toi. Nous continuerons de prononcer ton nom.

Brisez le silence du deuil de notre enfant. Cette douleur qui vous fait si peur et que nous ne souhaitons à personne, nous la vivons chaque seconde.
N'oubliez pas qu'avant tout, malgré tout, notre enfant a vécu, que nous avons eu avant tout la joie de le rencontrer, de nous en occuper, de découvrir qu'il avait le nez et les pieds de son papa, les mains et les cheveux de sa maman.
Brisez le silence du deuil de notre enfant.